It's been awhile...

I know, it's been awhile.  It seems like nothing much has happened, but really...a lot did.  Jason and Rich got married (I was one of the...best women?) and it was a beautiful ceremony!  As hard as I tried I could not keep myself from crying like a baby.  I was just so happy, but I'd be happier if we didn't have to go to Canada to make sure my friends could have a legal marriage.  Don't get me wrong, I love Canada...a LOT!  I just hate that some human rights are not available to all the people of the United States solely because of one's sexual preference.

Aside from that, I've really been just doing some laundry and getting the house de-cluttered for the garage sale I'm having in July.  It's actually more fun than I thought it would be since I usually am a packrat, but my OCD has kicked in and I just want to get this sh*t gone!  I mean, it's actually very exciting for me to have a garage sale.  I see it as a challenge because my parents think that garage sales are a waste of time.  I on the other hand feel that it is a good experience to bond as a family, get rid of things we don't need, and to meet and interact with some new people!  Plus you can make a couple of bucks off of it.  Altogether sounds like a pretty good day to me (even if I'm busting my butt to get it ready).

Today I have been having a really difficult time being away from certain people and places.  I miss the simplicity of college life and the friends that I had in Oswego, and I'm missing the memories and people from last summer during my internship with Disney.  I can't stop thinking about all the stupid, crazy things that happened and how amazing of an adventure it was.  I even cried a bit when I watched a slideshow I made (and that I watch whenever I need some Disney in my life :P) and it was like I just wanted something that will never happen again.  The combination of people, scheduling and sometimes a little bit of rum (haha) made for some of the most amazing memories and friendships.  I miss those people who have really made an impact on my life, both at Oswego and at Disney.

I got to chat with a few friends today that I have not had the chance to talk with for awhile.  Erik called me this afternoon and we caught up and reminisced about "the office" days and how different things are.  But we are lucky, because our little group will all be back in Florida together for good someday, and that's something to look forward to.  Florida Scott (which he has been named by my family & other scott) called also which was amazing because we got the chance to chat, catch up, bitch and dish, which we haven't done in ages! :)  It really was a very eye-opening conversation and made me realize how much my friends know about me.  I also got to text for a bit with someone who was very important to me from Oswego who, like me, is trying to get back to the place they call home and miss dearly.  It's nice to know I'm not the only one in that boat, thanks Chewy!  :)

Aside from all that serious jabber, I spent last night making 48 cupcakes for Madagascar and Julia to take to school with them.  Today was Julia's 9th birthday (I know, I'm old) so she brought in birthday cupcakes, and Madagascar's birthday was over Memorial Day weekend so she didn't get the chance to bring any so I made some for her as well.  Next week is Josh's 12th birthday (dear God...) so I'll be making some more next weekl. :)  Tomorrow is the first rehearsal for the Summerplay.  I got the part of Stella, the bartender.  Perfect role for me, eh?  :)  I'm pretty excited about it, but I've been really out of it and tired lately so I'm hoping I'm not getting sick again.

Life is exciting, yet quite draining lately.  I mean, I'm in a play, I started working a few hours a week at the video store, I get to go swimming with the siblings, am planning a fairly large garage sale, de-cluttering the house...but the draining part isn't physical.  I just seem to be having a difficult time figuring out what I really want right now, and am tired of going after what people tell me I want.  Sure, something might sound exciting, perfect and enticing but that doesn't make it something I want.  It makes the people selling it to me good salesmen & women.  I'm trying to figure myself out right now and I feel that there are too many things that are getting in the way of that.  I'm fearful of living out someone else's dream, especially since life is so short, why relish in someone else's happiness?  (Is relish the right word for that??)

Anyway, I guess I best get ready for bed.  Which lately has been me getting some PJ's on by midnight and laying down and fidgeting for a couple hours before my body finally gives up and shuts down, forcing me to fall asleep.  Wow, now I understand why my parents always say that I'm a drama queen.  I tend to use overly dramatic vocabulary for emphasis.  Nevertheless, it doesn't make my inability to fall asleep any less realistic, just more dramatic.  I really could write a book if I found myself in this mood more often, because whatever mood this is, is the one that I tend to be most reflective and focused.  Do you see how much I have written without getting bored and just stopping?  It's almost at miracle level (ok, I admit, I am a tad overdramatic sometimes).

Well, that's all I really have to say for now.  If I let myself continue I might go on rambling for hours.  Have a great night everyone!

Ch-ch-ch-changes...

Oh how I hate changes.  I have been trying to "choose my attitude" to maintain a positive attitude during this transitional time for me from college to moving to Florida.  Its not going well in my head, but I'm making work.

All I want when I'm in my room is to have my own room, go to classes (YUCK-I mean skip most my classes), and hanging out with my close friends (aka scott since everyone else abandoned me to go be adults and student teach and stuff).  Then I'll listen to a song or see a picture and I'll want to be back in Florida with the people from this summer.

I want our apartment back (after that crazy bitch me and Katie ran out of our apartment), the boys down the hall, dance parties, going to the parks, my work "family"- scott & becca I miss you guys- along with all the summer CPs, Apples to Apples, setting up our Christmas Tree, Creativity class, the office group, Ben & me acting 'tarded, the pirate wall, SHARON!, Winnie the Pooh, the dumbtarded dinos, rats in a sac, ROCK BAND, gayson, baby gizelle's attutude, Jarrett talking to trees, Chris molesting me, Jesse being Jesse (man I miss that kid!), ALI!!!, Ali and I making retarded videos...like ones I havent even edited yet, hating the Tea Cups, Phil being...Phil-ish, forgetting how to work the fast pass machine, Katie & my pizza dates, oh my gosh...I miss last summer so much!  How I wish I didnt end up working on Pan side and having anxiety attacks all the time because Pan is STUPID. 

I miss it.  Ali, Derek... I know at least one of you will read this...PLEASE, can we relive last summer?  It was absolutely perfect.  I'm scared that I'm going to have too high of expectations when I go back.  It was just wonderful...I'm gonna end up hating Chatham and wishing things were back to normal.

I don't want to have to leave Scott and I know he thinks its stupid that I get all emotional (I cant help it dear) but what the hell...I might not see him for like...YEARS!  That kinda sucks. A lot.  I'm having a hard time with this part of moving on, but I'm dealing w/ it better than I thought I would. 

On the good side the next couple weeks are looking good.  First, I graduate (but I'm not walking...long story, ask later), Ben comes to visit...SOOOO excited!, then Jason's getting married and I'm in the wedding (like maid of honor type gettup).  Its gonna be a whole lot of excitement and I probably should have plans on how to keep myself out of trouble!  HAHA!

All in all, I just am confused and hating all this change and transition.  I hate new, I hate change, I hate transitions...so this is not going to be a good time for me, but soon I'll be home w/ the kids and then soon after that I'll be back in Florida.  Let's keep smiling and hope this is the plan.

Thanks for listening and have a fabulous day!

It all started with a mouse...

So here I am, supposed to be studying for my last exam in my Vietnam War class but instead I am sitting on facebook and staring at my Disney pin collection.  It's quite amazing actually, to think of all the things in my room that would not be a part of me if it weren't for Walt E. Disney and his creating of Mickey Mouse.  My room is covered in Wall-E posters, Disney trading pins, coloring book pages, snow globes, statues and water bottles that all are Disney merchandise.  My life revolves around that mouse.

Mickey, who started as Mortimer (thanks to Walt's wife for that change in name), is a symbol of hope to many people.  He had humble beginnings yet has an entire empire now with movies, tv channels, theme parks, toys, books, etc.  Imagine your life being changed so completely.  It's the ideal story of rags to riches because a dream really can come true if you wish and work hard enough.

My problem right now is that I don't know what my dream is.  I don't know what I want to be or to accomplish.  I need to have the dream in order to create the hope that can guide me.  This might all seem nonsensical to you all, however once you've worked for the Mouse, you know what I'm talking about.  It's not merely a job, to work for Disney, it's a lifestyle.  It's something that is almost impossible to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it before.  I can't just go to an amusement park and expect an experience like the one I will receive from Disney.  However, it all depends on one's mindset when entering into this surreal world and leaving all reality behind.

I wish life could be like Disney.  Leaving all my troubles and stresses behind seems like such an amazing idea at this point in my life.  I want to be a kid, I want to run away to Neverland and be there to dress and pretend forever.  I wish it existed, because I would have finally found my calling; to be a kid forever.  Now if only I knew how to turn that dream into something productive in my reality.  Props to people like Walt Disney and anyone who has achieved their dreams.  Now, I hope, it's my turn.

Let's start today.  Maybe if I find that one true passion I can use it to create something wonderful.  Have a great day everyone!

Scott

So...scott bet me that he would hack my blog before the week's over.  That last post was him hacking my blog.  

the end.

HACKED

told you i would jessie

YAYAYAYAY

Cleaning...

So today I am cleaning my room because it is absolutely beyond messy.  I can't take it anymore.  So I started by gathering my laundry, moved that aside, turned on some music and all I have gotten done is the first stage in changing Blackbeard's (my wonderful pet fish) fishbowl.  I also found that my camera was dead, my garbage needs to be taken out, I found my winter hat and gloves, and my sneakers have finally appeared.

I kinda like today because I'm going to take time out for ME and think (while I clean of course).  I need some time to myself, I'm feeling very overwhelmed with everything right now that is going on in my life.  I feel like myself today.  It might just be the music or my cute little fish but my room is kinda the place to be right now.  

I always wanted to be one of those famous bloggers that wrote everyday and made people laugh while still bringing up issues relevant to the world, but I feel because I can actually get ideas out through writing I'll just end up using this as a public journal of sorts.  Lucky you, the readers, for joining me on this grand adventure through life.  Any comments would be nice, and honestly...I do enjoy sharing my life with people especially if they want to read all about it.

Thanks again Derek for coercing me to start yet another blog, hopefully this time I don't give up half way through like I do with everything. :P  I hope you are all enjoying the weekend, I know I am.  I needed this break from the scheduled life I lead.  The music in the background, sun shining through the windows and the hope and excitement of summer peaking through my stress-ridden mind is making today productive. 

Enjoy yourself today!  Much love!

Three more weeks...

So here I am sitting at my laptop singing my heart out to the Spring Awakening soundtrack after I just kicked Scott's ass in Yahtzee.  I am a mixture of content, sadness, excitement and fear.  I want so badly to be past this place, and move onto bigger things but I don't know if I'm ready.  I miss Florida.  I miss the friends and family that live down there, but like usual I am having difficulties preparing myself for change.  

I'm trying to stay positive, do things that will make me happy.  I don't want to lose certain things that make me feel happy.  It's going to be very difficult, but I know I can make it through.  I just need to focus on the now.  I feel like my life (and my room) is in complete disorganization at the moment.  I'm not sure if any of this makes sense.  I'm just confused. Haha...

I'm not really in the mood to type anything, lol.  So...have a great night everyone!! :)